This year, Facebook has given up on pressuring me regarding my single-at-30 status, and instead just barrages me with a bunch of apparently random, and often woefully mis-marketed, adverts. So without further ado, I present to you the seven most ludicrous Facebook ads to target me ... today.
Seven epic misses. And one "hit," for good measure.
#7. ATTENTION WRITERS!
Am I a writer? Yes. So on first blush, this seems like a well-targeted ad. The "fail" here is that you should never call a writer's attention to a repetitive (online online) snippet with weird capitalization (is my Dream a proper noun)? Also, just because I love creative writing doesn't mean I hate good design. This ad is sad.
#6. REMOVE YOUR CELLULITE
Um. Let's leave aside the fact that WHY ARE THEY ASSUMING I HAVE A CELLULITE PROBLEM and skip right on to the WHY IS THERE A FLAT ORANGE WOMAN STEPPING INTO A VAT OF CELLULITE CREAM?
#5. DEGREE LINK? OR DEGREEL INK?
Really - and I say this as someone with Master's degree in social work - what is the connection between neck tattoos and becoming a counselor? Unless, as I posited in my headline for this, maybe the website degreelink.org is not actually Degree Link, but Degreel Ink? (PS Also: what does "big sister lending a hand" mean as an introduction to this post?)
#4. DIVINE COMEDY
I actually kind of like this one. "Do you like God?" Well, yes. And I do like seeing the Divine's profession listed as 'Comedian'. Lord knows - er, You know You DO have a great sense of humor! I also found it funny that only 5 of my friends like God. (Or at least, only 5 like God the Comedian.)
#3. BACK TO SCHOOL WITH TEEN MOMS
Just a suggestion, but you may want to re-think this ad campaign, Xfinity. Also for future reference, I am not really the "Teen Mom" audience. "Teen Wolf," we can talk.
#2. WOW. JUST A BIG OL' MONSTER-SIZE WOW.
First of all, characterizing the conservative crowd as "monsters" is something the Bigger Pie people miiiiiiight want to reconsider, especially if they're going to target someone best characterized as a 'progressive independent.' Second: the movie's name was Monsters, Inc., not Monster, Inc. Maybe you think you don't need any government support, but you do need a proofreader. Third: do you have permission to use this image? 'Cause if not you might also need a lawyer. (Doesn't matter if you hate government; as I understand it, copyright laws still apply to you.)
#1. A NEW SHADE OF COLORBLIND
AND FINALLY, WE HAVE A WINNER...
For the win! Or more accurately, for the wine! After all the other sloppy and ridiculous ads I had to endure, a glass of wine is indeed just what I need. Thank you for correctly targeting me, The Wine Bar. Cheers.