Things That Go Poop In The Night

A dear friend and reader sent me this photo
after reading this post.  True story!

Or, How We Treat Real Crap vs. Metaphorical Crap

The other night - or more accurately, the other morning, at around 5am, my eyes flew open. The eye-opening was a secondary response. 'Twas my nose woke my eyes. And what woke my nose? A brutal, merciless, full-fledged olfactory assault - harsh enough to wake me from my previously satisfying slumber. Sleepy as I was, I knew the enemy at once. Crap, I thought. Literally. Crap.

I turned on the light, and sure enough, the current foster dog - who recently underwent surgery to have all of her inner-lady-parts removed, so let's all be patient with her - had diarrhea. And had crapped all over the bedroom floor.

And phewwwwww, did it smell.

I was so tired. But exhausted as I was, here's what I didn't think:

You know what? I'll just leave it there. Yeah, it stinks. And if I just leave it there, it might ruin my carpet. And the pets might get the impression that it's cool to poop there, so the pile might get bigger overnight. And it'll be harder to get out. But I'm going to leave it there anyway. Because otherwise, I have to acknowledge the crap, get up and go deal with it, encounter the stench up close, and the thing is I just. don't. wanna. - so I'm going to go back to sleep and leave the poop there, and hope that maybe the Poop Fairy comes and cleans it up before dawn.

Nope. Didn't think that at all. Instead, grumbling but committed, I got up immediately. Turned on the lights. And started cleaning up the stinky, smelly piles of dog crap right then and there.

Which got me thinking. If only I could be as good about cleaning the metaphorical crap out of my life as I am at cleaning up the literal crap! If only I rolled up my sleeves, grabbed the Smell-Be-Gone, and just got rid of it! The truth of the matter is that real crap and metaphorical crap should both be handled as quickly as possible. Clean it up. Flush it down. Then open the window, breathe in the fresh air, and move on. Neither the literal nor the metaphorical stinking pile is going to just clean itself up if you close your eyes, hold your nose, and pretend it's not there.

I'm also pretty sure there's no Poop Fairy. And if there is... you might not want him showing up in the middle of the night.

As I went back to sleep, I started writing this musical in my head.
I don't remember much about it. But I'm pretty sure it was awesome.
And probably starred The Poop Fairy.