"Aren't you taking this whole bridesmaid thing a little too seriously?"
That's what one friend posted on my Facebook wall mid-week, when I was halfway through the
Week In a Bridesmaid Dress project. Some friends were even less subtle, with all those "have you lost your little mind?" and of course, the "so, how bad does it smell by now?" inquiries. But a few of my nearest and dearest, in a gentle, loving, but also more pointed and pushy way, made the obvious observation: "is the real theme here 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride'"? Was there a hint of bitterness, they wondered? Behind all the big smiles and goofy Tree Pose and Pooping-Dog pictures, was I masking a certain sadness? Or wistfulness, perhaps?
It's a fair question. I have just a few short months left to call myself a twenty-something, and standing here at the precipice of 30, it's true that marriage is a milestone I've yet to reach. I've never worn That Coveted Rock on my left ring finger. At this point in my life, yes, most of my friends are married or engaged -- at least, the ones who planned on having that be part of their life journey (and a few who never imagined it, and then wound up hitched anyway). Most, but not all. And yes, I've walked down many an aisle on many a wedding day, and donned many a dress - but none of them white, and the walk down the aisle never included someone waiting for me at the end of it.
Don't I want that for myself?
Well, to give the answer, in the obvious phrasing ...
I do.
But I want it when the time is right... and
I don't plan to be miserable in the meantime. I want to be happy and expectant and sincere, and of course, snarky.
And furthermore, I think most people over-emphasize
"never a bride" in t
he old cliché, and skip right over what else
"always a bridesmaid" implies.
Inherently, you see ... it means having friends. And family. And thereby, love in your life. C'mon, you don't take on bridesmaid duty for someone you don't adore. (In most cases. One would hope.) Each dress I've worn as a bridesmaid - from lacy cream-colored numbers to a shiny espresso-hued one, short garnet satin to floor-length dove, and of course, the now-famous watermelon frock - did not merely match up with some shoes, appropriate undergarments, and carefully-selected earrings. Each also matched up with a friend or family member, celebrating one of the happiest moments in their life. It's an honor to get to share in that.
It's also expensive, of course. That's why you don't agree to such things lightly. And why I'm slightly relieved that I only have a handful of friends left who might want me to celebrate with them in that way, providing they don't choose to elope. And by the way, eloping sounds awesome. This week has made me realize I should really consider two things:
1) A destination wedding. Handful of closest friends and family together for a small wedding on a beach, followed a few weeks later by a big party back home. How fun does that sound?
2) If I have bridesmaids, I'll be giving them the following instructions: "Buy a [green/blue/I still have to choose the color] dress that you love. Any shade, any cut that isn't R-rated on the neckline or hemline. If you already have one, great, or use this as an excuse to get a new one you'll love. That's matchy-enough for me." To be fair, the lovely bride I most recently walked down the aisle for did something similar - within the Evil David line, we had to pick a short dress in the watermelon hue, but within those parameters, could choose the exact design that was most flattering to each of us. (PS, the ladies at the Evil David nearest me were not-so-nice, which is among the chief reason I started calling their employer Evil David - not a dig at my friend.)
Life is also too short to be bitter, y'all. I was in a really shocking car wreck a few months back, and miraculously survived - and that just underlined the point. Be grateful for every day, embrace every moment, and when you're part of someone else's big day -- for heavens' sake, share in their joy, don't wallow in any negative self-effacing emotions.
So there you have it. This really wasn't an exercise in bitterness, though there was the dig at the bridal-dress-making industry (for goodness' sake, Evil David and colleagues - you make one-wear dresses - drop the price for the bridal party gear already!)... but all in good humor. I had fun being a bridesmaid, I had fun exploiting the dress, and I reject the never-a-bride bitterness... whatever the future brings, on any given day I'd rather be having fun and grinning in a poofy, goofy-out-of-context dress than pouting in a somber black one.
Of course, sassy-pouting in the pink dress is kinda fun, too.
So, in wearing the dress for a week - did I get my money's worth? From the wedding, to the week of conversations, to the writing, to the personal thought-starters, to the activities and accompanying photos, to the upcoming charity event, to not having to do a load of laundry all week ... you betcha.
Incidentally, most of today was spent running errands and hanging out with low key-folks - i.e. I was able to relax and celebrate my first dress-free day by basically wearing an outfit that was one step up from pajamas. As I head to bed tonight, I'll have to start pondering two important questions:
1) What will I write about on this blog next?
2) What, oh what, am I going to wear tomorrow?
WEEK IN A BRIDESMAID DRESS - FINAL TALLY
Stains: 4. Those mentioned in the blog, plus some Killian's last night. Oops.
Top 10 Lists: 1 (but I had enough material for 2)
Number of Time This Blog Was Viewed During Project: 2,960 (thanks, Google Analytics!)
People Who Will Keep Reading, Post-Dress-Project: No idea...
Exciting Benefit Event Yet To Come: 1
Watermelon Dresses Put Away, For Now: 1
